I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
