Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
