some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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