it hurts more in the daytime
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
