I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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