how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
