Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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