That's intense
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You ruined the universe
Randomize
