I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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