I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
