apparently the secret to your success is patron
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
