You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
