I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
