i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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