I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
