You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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