WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
