they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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