Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Randomize
