I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
