Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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