Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
