I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
