dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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