I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
