Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
