the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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