She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
