Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
