love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
