How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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