i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You're like the curious george of whores
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
