apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
