It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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