If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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