i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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