I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
