Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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