im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
