We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
