he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
