I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
