great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
