I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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