My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
