I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
