last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize