she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
