The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
