just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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