it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
