yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize