He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
