i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
