Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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