What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
