I'm gonna have a badass scar
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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