Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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