Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
