For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
