Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
