there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
