Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
where are you?
Hypothermia
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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