People with herpes should wear stickers.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
