i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize