In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
