my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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