Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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