I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize