I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
