im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
