Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
