so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
