I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
