I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
