I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize