someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
