At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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