Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
