dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize