I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
organizing the empties. That sober.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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