I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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