time to smoke my breakfast
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
