I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
