At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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