So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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